So my husband has gained weight. A fair amount. I told him I was concerned about his weight and that I have noticed he is heavier and that my mom has too. Now he is really mad at me for telling him this and for discussing with my mom. While it was in no way a discussion and more like a passing comment (my mom has hard time minding her very own business) I don’t think it’s fair he is mad at me. He says he is already really uncomfortable about his weight and trying to lose it (he does go to the gym) and that my comment has really hurt him and he is angry and now doesn’t even want to have sex with me since he feels so self-consciouses. I don’t think its fair for him to be angry with me. We a are partners and I am concerned for his health. I don’t feel any less attracted to him and I told him this. But, he is still really angry – would you be mad if you were him? -Sue, 32
let’s just (not) be friends
13Aug10My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. He immediately started dating someone else — a woman who I have met a few times through mutual friends and who happens to be a client at the gym where I work as a receptionist. She and I are not friends at all but we have always exchanged friendly hellos when she comes to the gym. I know she knows that the man she is currently dating is my very recent ex, and I would think that she would understand that this is not easy for me to deal with. But she doesn’t seem to.. at all. She keeps coming to the gym (we are a big chain and have LOTS of other locations she could go to) and keeps being super friendly to me as if she didn’t steal my boyfriend out from under me. I want to tear her hair out or scream at her every time I see her, but since I’m at work I have to smile politely and pretend that I don’t hate her. I know I can’t REALLY expect her to change gym locations (although I really wish she would), but the fact that she smiles at me and acts all friendly after stealing my boyfriend is just too much for me to take. Am I right to be mad? -Serena, 27.
plenty of fish in his sea
10Aug10I recently started dating someone I met online. We have been dating about 2 months. We spend most nights together and talk throughout the day online. We don’t officially call each other boyfriend/girlfriend but when I asked him if he was dating other people he said he was not. However, my roommate said his profile was still up on the dating site we use and he had been active and signing on daily. I took my profile down and have not signed on since we started getting serious. I have to admit I think he may still be checking out other girls online (even if hes not “seeing” them) I can’t help but be angry. -Amanda, 26
Table for 2. I mean 1.
09Aug10My girlfriend has been talking about wanting to go to this super exclusive restaurant basically since we met. It’s next to impossible to get a reservation, but for our anniversary this year I managed to get one. Unfortunately the only time I could get was at 6:00 on a Thursday, meaning we were going to have to meet there and she was going to have to come straight from work. She promised she would leave right at 5 and be there in plenty of time.
So, on the night of our reservation I showed up at 6pm sharp, She was not there. I had a drink at the bar. At 6:15 she called and said she was in a cab on her way there. She hadn’t been able to get out until 5:45 and then had to get ready. So I had another drink. At 6:30 she called to tell me traffic was awful and she would be there soon. So I had another drink.
Long story short, she finally showed up a few minutes before 7. I was drunk and we had lost our reservation. I know the traffic wasn’t her fault but the fact that she didn’t get out of the office until the time our reservation started is her fault. She claims I shouldn’t be mad because she was the one who wanted to go to the restaurant so it’s her loss not mine, but I worked so hard to get that reservation and she just threw it away. Leaving me without anything special to do for her for our anniversary and really no desire to do anything anyway. Am I overreacting?
- James, 24.
Midnight surprise
06Aug10My boyfriend has had three serious girlfriends before me. All three were very beautiful. All three were also Asian. I am not. My boyfriend has even told me that I am the only woman he has ever been attracted to that wasn’t Asian. He knows I feel a little insecure about this and I worry he will eventually stop being attracted to me. The other night I woke up in our bed alone. I went to go find my boyfriend and see what was going on. I found a lot going on. He was in the guest bedroom looking at Asian porn. He told me he couldn’t sleep and, “it’s not like I was masturbating.” I don’t care if he was masturbating or not he was clearly being sneaky. I know he wasn’t cheating on me but a part of me feels like he was. I am so angry and he thinks it is ridiculous. – Janet, 21
good girlfriend or bad friend?
05Aug10I live in L.A., one of my best friends lives in Chicago and is in a long distance relationship with a man who also lives in L.A.. She comes to visit once every other month (he goes to see her the other months). When she comes to see him she almost never makes time to see me. I get to see her about once every three times she comes out. I know seeing her boyfriend is the main reason for her trips out here, but I feel like a drink or brunch isn’t too much to ask! And I would even be happy if he came with her. It’s not like I need her all to myself.
Also, her boyfriend lives close to me, it’s about a 10 minute drive – and you don’t have to get on the freeway. I feel like she’s being totally selfish and obsessed with her boyfriend. It’s so annoying! Right?!
-Jamie, 23.
number one fan
04Aug10I got a facebook message from a guy saying he’d seen me perform with a theater group I’m in. He started chatting to me in the messages saying things like I have a nice smile, but he was also asking me questions about the troupe and generally complimenting our performance as a whole. While I was excited someone took interest in our troupe I made sure to drop the fact that I had a boyfriend – just in case he was interested in me.
Three hours later my boyfriend called me and was all upset. He told me the guy on facebook was him, that he was just playing a funny joke and had no idea I would react so flirtatiously. I was not overly flirty in any way and I was generally excited that we had a fan. I am furious he played this trick on me and then had the nerve to get mad at me over nothing. -Amy, 23
uncool untagging
03Aug10My boyfriend and I recently broke up after dating for a little less than a year. It was mutual and I thought we were going to be able to be friends. Apparently I was wrong. Yesterday I took a little looksie at his facebook profile and noticed that he had deleted all of his pictures that I was in, and untagged himself in all of mine. I was totally confused when I Saw this and sent him a message asking about it. He replied that he thought it would be weird to have pictures of us together and that he wanted to look single in his profile. I am so hurt and mad about this. I thought that we were going to be friends but if he’s acting like this I think I might be wrong… – Amy, 18.
Passive aggressive facebook much?
30Jul10I recently got dumped my girlfriend. Because I cheated on her. So sure ,I deserved it. I shouldn’t have done it, I regretted it, she caught me and now this is where I am. She kicked me out of our apartment (that I shared with our baby and her other daughter from a previous relationship). Not only does it suck getting dumped, kicked out and missing my daughter I also have her going on facebook and posting all these status updates on how I cheated, how shitty I am, how hard her life is now that she is a single mom and how she needs a sitter. I get it. I was really bad to her and she didn’t deserve it.. but does the father of her child and apologetic one time cheater deserve to be humiliated in front of her 783 friends (which include many mutual friends, family and even my grandparents!) -Brian, 34
and a very unhappy birthday to you
29Jul10My boyfriend and I have been together a year and things are pretty serious. I am very friendly with most of his friends and he is with mine. We are even moving in together in a few months. Last weekend he was invited to a birthday party and asked if I would mind if he went alone since there will be a lot of people from college he hasn’t seen in a while and wants to be able to really talk to them. Of course I told him I didn’t really care but that I would like to come see our friend and get to meet other people that are important in his life. This really hurt my feelings. Wouldn’t you want your friends to meet your girlfriend and wouldn’t you want to go out with her and celebrate? I told him if I felt uncomfortable or was starting to feel left out I would be happy to take a cab home but he told me it would be better if he just came to my apartment after the party. -Danielle, 27